You Know You're A Chile-Head If.... (my favorites)

1. You don't have to worry about your roommates stealing your food
10. Your pepper garden is visible from the Moon
20. You throw a scrap of food to the dog [cats] and he looks at you as if
to say "you must think I'm an idiot"
[my cats do NOT touch my food]
23. You can correctly spell and pronounce chipotle and capsicum, and you
know to which food group they belong.
[actually, that should be "chipotl"]
24. You never go in to a food store without checking the price, or
selection of hot peppers and hot sauces.
[...unless I'm in a REALLY big hurry!]
25. The door of your refrigerator has more than thirty bottles of hot sauce.
[...the door, the top shelf, the door of a keg fridge....]
26. The sissy salsa you made, accidentally, seems to set most of your
coworkers on fire.
38. You think of hot sauces as final products having recipes, not
ingredients [obviously]
39. Chips are only a means of carrying salsa from the bowl to your mouth
[yep]
49. You bring your own peppers to a Thai restaurant, and tell them,
"Start with these..."
51. You take tender loving care of your plants, and stress them out with
abuse every chance you get. [always]
60. People laugh when you invite them over for dinner, look at you like
you're crazy, and walk away without answering.
[Yep, that's about right—except for the other CHs]
61. People suddenly remember, that the very night you've invited them
for dinner, they'll be having that elective surgery they've been
postponing for years. (And they actually get the surgery instead
having dinner, figuring, correctly, that it'll hurt less.)
62. You laugh (devilishly) when you invite newbies for dinner.
63. It's not mealtime, it's time for a fix. [(grin)]
66. When your friends at work try to find something too hot for
you...and fail. [And yet they kept trying....]
71. The waitress doesn't believe you when you order
[Well, they always try to warn me off of what I ask for....]
81. You take ground peppers to lunch with you, and your co-workers don't flinch
[Why should they? They knew better!]
82. You keep (at least) salsa, sauce, dried, and dried/ground peppers at
your desk for booster shots to get you through the day (probably more
for most of you, but I just checked my drawer here)
[Yep, and that's the bare minimum....]
89. You know enough about substance P to talk to a pre-med at a cocktail
party
104. You toss the evening's ration of chiles into the wok, and the ensuing
blast of vapor sends everyone running from the kitchen crying and
coughing. [Replace "wok" with "cast-iron skillet" and....]
105. You have ever passed out from the fumes while cooking your favorite
dish.
106. YOUR FRIENDS have ever passed out from the fumes while you were
cooking your favorite dish.
107. You have ever passed out while eating your favorite dish.
108. You have a WW-II Surplus Gas Mask in you kitchen and use it while
cooking.
109. You have to have your family leave the house when make your version
of Gen. Tsao's Chicken.
118. Your regular waiter automatically brings you IB, Melinda's,
El Eyucatao, and takes the water glasses away.
119. You don't need see a menu at your favorite restaurant.
120. You've ever sent food back because it was not hot enough. [yep....]
123. You have ever made "poppers" out of Habanero Peppers. [yep....]
136. People challenge you to hot food eating competitions. Once. [yep....]
141. Friends are afraid to shake hands with you when they meet you. [yep....]
143. You don't need to tell the waiter at the local Thai restaurant how
to prepare it. He knows. [yep...and he already knows our order, too....]
144. The 4 basic food groups are fresh, frozen, dried and powder (chiles
of course). [you forgot about mash....]
146. Hot sauce is no longer a condiment, it is the main ingredient [yep....]
147. You have your freezer filled with frozen chiles, chile powder and
dried chiles; your refrigerator filled with pickled chiles, hot
sauces, salsas and chile beer; your cabinets filled with canned /
bottled chiles and chile products and still wonder if you have
enough chiles to get you through the winter.
[yep...and it never is enough]
156. People at work do NOT want to try the leftovers you brought in
from home [well, some were CHs...]
185. You keep a bottle of hot sauce in the fridge at work.
[I kept about six, plus at least one habanero jelly]
186. Everyone there knows it's yours (extra points if your company
employs over 50 people)
188. If you know why you're supposed to wash your hands *before* you go
to the bathroom. [OH YEAH....]
189. If everybody at work knows why you do. [yep....]
207. When you run out of your hot stash at work and have to raid the
condiment area of the cafeteria for crushed red pepper and tabasco
just to survive the day. [been there....]
210. Give up/Avoid foods that don't go too well with chiles - Fortunately
this doesn't amount to many. [yep....]
211. Treat terms like "VERY HOT" / "HOT" on manufactured products with
great scepticism. [nope...I just don't believe them (usually)]
212. Friends don't believe you when you say something that you are
eating is "Fairly Mild". [yep....]
238. You love Thai food so much that 'prik' becomes part of your
social vocabulary with unfortunate consequences [yep....]
248. You know what "Hunan Hand" is, what the remedies are (and that
they don't work), but refuse to wear gloves anyway.
[gloves are for wimps....]
259. You consider habaneros to be one the four basic food groups. [yep....]
290. If you choose your dinner to go with the hot sauce you've selected.
[you say that like it's a strange thing....]
292. You know you're a chilehead when all of your friends and family now
pause over the table full of various snacks/dips/appetizers/desserts
you have prepared for a party, point to each item and say "Now how
HOT is this...REALLY?" (Even over the fudge!) ;^) [yep....]
295. You add Habanero powder to 5-alarm chili without tasting it first. [yep....]
296. Any of your dessert recipes call for habaneros. [yep....]
307. You got a hug from FireGirl!
327. You instinctively rub your eyes with your wrists or the back of your
hand because you've developed a permanent capsaicin residue on your
fingertips [yep....]
362. Your seed starting instructions are:
1. fill starting trays with soil, add seeds, add water
2. look for signs of growth
3. put tray in warm location
4. look for signs of growth
5. make dinner
6. return to seed tray; look for signs of growth
7. repeat step 6 every 10 minutes for approx. 10 days
8. jump for joy at first sign of growth
9. post news of first sign of growth to list
10. return to tray to make sure plants are still growing
11. repeat step 10
12. repeat step 11
[Ok, who's been spying on me?....]
363. You believe that staring at your seed trays makes 'em sprout faster!
371. You keep a roll of loo paper permenantly in the deep freezer...
388. You wake up every day speaking like Cartman.
390. After grinding habaneros you stick your nose in the blender to take
a whiff... even though you know it'll knock you for a loop... (and
you know we've all done it before!!)
[Yep, been there, done that (plenty of times)....]